I’ve always wanted try this one out, as in writing a blog. People said it was like writing a diary, only that others could read it. Huh! I personally think that’s not a very bad idea. How often do we really get to tell others what we feel? So, let me start with a promise, a promise to you, my readers, that I will be honest, honest as a DSLR Camera, with all my emotions, my experiences and about me. I’ll just describe myself in one sentence. I am nothing like what the world expects a “lady” to be. I am plus-sized, dark-skinned and really tall. Yep, I am one of those women who get glanced at when they walk on the street or enter a room. You get me, right? Well, let me tell you, I’ve had my share of neglect, mocking laughs and disapproved looks. Grannies and aunties have come up to me and advised me to look lady-like. They’ve advised me to use fairness creams, and ooh don’t forget the diet. All through my life, I’ve been advised. Now you might think that this blog is all about the difficulties of going through these. Nah! This is about how I tuned myself to receive this attention positively. This is about how I became a pillow for so many to hug and how I look at myself with pride and happiness. It is still a shock to my mother that I talk and laugh and dance without a care in the world because fat people don’t do these. They are afraid to face the society. I feel their pain and their struggle. It’s really difficult to be any different from “the normal” no matter what the case is. With time, I realized that people got a different sense of encouragement from my appearance which made it a tad bit easier for them to forget about their insecurities. I started owning myself. I slowly started enjoying their startled look. I would look back at them and smile and I would genuinely be happy.
It’s not that I never get sad thinking about it, trust me, I do. It’s still taking me a lot of time to get to the “love-yourself-unconditionally” part, but I do know that I have reached a place where I can confidently shake hands with anyone and say that I am not only what you see. This appearance is just one tree in a forest, all the other trees are standing tall waiting for your acknowledgement. I know there are a lot of people out there who would share my feelings, a word to them: I know your struggle. I just want to tell you to hang in there. There are people who will see the beauty of your forest. Trust me.
RIA ELIZABETH ABRAHAM